How to End the Chore Wars with Your Kids

What do you do when you want to teach your kids responsibility, but the chore wars just won’t stop?

We’ve got a great post from Connected Families today about how to end the Chore Wars for good in your home. I just love their wisdom when it comes to this tricky subject–check it out!

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You’ve tried every trick to get your kids to simply do some basic chores and you are met with resistance. You never would have dreamed of sassing back to your parents about chores the way you’ve gotten sass. What’s the deal???
Perhaps the “deal” is that your kids feel trapped and resentful. If they could articulate their underlying beliefs about it, they might say something like, “Mom/Dad, if I do the chore you’ve asked me to do – you win and I lose.”
This sounds kind of crazy to us as parents. You know that great teamwork as a family is a win for everyone. You know that kids who learn to work hard “win” because a strong work ethic is critical to overall success in life. But your kids likely don’t know what you know, or believe what you believe. It’s also quite possible that if your child struggles with irresponsibility and entitlement then their beliefs about chores probably include:

• Work is hard and boring and worthless (no value)
• I’m the kind of kid who loves fun and hates work (my identity)
• I get intense attention when I refuse to do something (reward)
• If I can get Mom or Dad to do my chores, it’s a win! (big reward)

If this sounds familiar it’s no wonder your family is struggling and stuck!
When this dynamic happens, parents often reach for those old standbys: chore charts and rewards. Google “chore charts for kids” and you get 30 million hits! Chore charts certainly have their place, but when parents find themselves needing systems and ever-larger rewards to motivate responsibility – those “dangling carrots” usually backfire because they communicate: “You’re right, work is awful. And you need me to manage your life.”