Want Great Sex? Then You Have to Let Go of Control!

If you want great sex, then you simply have to let yourself be vulnerable.

It’s the start of our second week of the Sizzling Summer Sex Series, and last week one of the big things I was addressing was how to find real passion. The answer? We need vulnerability. It’s the key to women’s sexual response, too.

This week we’re going to be looking at how to spice things up, and why sex sometimes gets boring. But before we can spice things up, we have to deal with one more thing. We have to let go of our control freak tendencies.

I spend a lot of my time on the road in our RV giving my Girl Talk to churches–a hilarious, fun night where I share God’s threefold design for sex (emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy), and then talk about how to get there. And inevitably I get people crying, too, because I share some personal stuff we all can relate to. (It really is  a great evening that’s super seeker-friendly, and I’m booking for the next season now! Email my assistant Tammy about how you can bring it to your church or women’s group).
This year, after one such event, I was talking with some of the organizers, who were all pumped up about how well the evening had been received. “People totally need to talk about this stuff!” one woman said. But then one of the organizers managed to get me alone, as I was clearing off my table, and said that she had a question to ask

This year, after one such event, I was talking with some of the organizers, who were all pumped up about how well the evening had been received. “People totally need to talk about this stuff!” one woman said. But then one of the organizers managed to get me alone, as I was clearing off my table, and said that she had a question to ask.

She desperately loved her husband. She loved her family. She loved God. But her libido had just disappeared.

No matter what she did, she just couldn’t relax during sex or get any kind of desire for it. And she was so sad about this, because it wasn’t what she wanted–for her or for her husband. What was she supposed to do?

As she told me her story, inwardly I started to panic a bit. There wasn’t anything obviously wrong. Then I had a real God moment. I just said, “Are you a control freak? Like do you have trouble being vulnerable and letting people help you?”

I knew that came from God, because as soon as I said it she burst into tears. “Oh, my goodness, I totally am! I have to be in control all the time, and I hate that about me.” And then I told her that this was the root of her problem.